are you a conversation monopolizer?As you read a few articles on networking, you will eventually come across a list of questions to ask during a conversation. Inevitably, one of them will be: “What problems or issues are you facing in your business that I can help you with?”

Whoa! Aren’t you implying that they can’t do their own job. (Or: Aren’t you calling their capabilities into question?)  Let’s turn that around. What if someone asked you that same question? You’d probably think: “So you’re saying I have an existing problem that I can’t fix and I meet a total stranger at a networking event and he or she thinks they can solve it for me?” Yeah, right. This “conventional wisdom” has you instantly starting on the wrong foot.

A better way to start is to share some issues going on within your own industry/discipline. It would create a more comfortable exchange if you offered your challenges first and then asked their opinion. You now validated them and their expertise. They will now be more likely to mention things of concern in their business or industry. Now you have a chance to see if you or one of your connections can offer something of value.

That is a good example of The New Networking: to be of assistance and to be remembered in a good light.

network to connect

As with any relationship, you need to nurture the relationship, warm it up a bit. Your goal is to not put people on the defensive, but start a genuine conversation. There is always a better way to ask.

Remember: give, give, give. But you start the sharing.